(Photo by Selma Komisky)
Why There’s Nothing Wrong With Being Single
By Ashley Scriven
When I came home from college for the summer, the first thing my 7th grade nephew asked was, “Ashley, do you have a boyfriend yet?” When I said, “no”, his follow up question was “Why not?” To which his 11-year-old sister promptly responded “She doesn’t need a boyfriend. Ashley’s smart enough.” I laughed and the conversation passed.
My nephew is not the first person to ask me that.
Many people are of the mindset that there is something wrong with a 21-year-old single girl. Believe it or not, I once had a guy tell me that I’m “too cute to be single.” (He wasn’t asking me out, he was wanting to set me up with someone). Every holiday or family get together the conversation inevitably leads to my dating life or rather, lack of. A well meaning neighbor upon hearing of my relationship status told me not to worry because “God would bring someone soon.”That’s a common reaction.
I’ve been told to “just wait.” “God will work it out.” He’ll throw somebody in my path. I’ll find someone. To which I respond with, “But what if He doesn’t?” The Bible does not guarantee that everyone will get married. Not everyone is meant to be married. Allow me to remind you that Jesus never married, nor did Paul. Our goal in life is not to find a mate. It is to glorify Jesus and He is to be enough for us.
Now, I am not against marriage or relationships. Not at all. In fact, I desire deeply to be a wife and mother someday. It’s one of my biggest hopes. Sometimes, it’s really, really hard being single. Like really hard. It can be discouraging to scroll through my Instagram feed and see yet another engagement. I get frustrated and wonder if I’ll ever get to share an engagement post. Often, I get lonely and long for a hand to hold or an arm to wrap around my shoulder.
What’s worse is when well meaning people say “You’re not trying hard enough.” What do they mean by try? I refuse to throw myself at a guy: it’s undignified. Dressing in revealing clothes and flirting with every male in one’s path is not the way to get someone of quality husband material. I don’t want a boyfriend just so I can change my relationship status on Facebook. I want a partner, a best friend. Someone who will be an excellent father to my children. Someone who will challenge me and point me toward Christ.
I am not actively seeking a relationship, but I am not actively trying to stay single either. What I am doing is living my life with the cards I have in my hand right now. I am walking the path set before me and if someone comes along and our paths happen to intersect and he walks with me, I would not be opposed. However, the only Man I am actively pursuing is Jesus Christ. He is pursuing me as well and I have to trust that He has my best interests at heart.