A Dangerous Affection: Christians Dating Non-Christians – Part 3

By Selma Komisky

What harmony can there be between Christ and the Devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?

– 2 Corinthians 6:15 (LVG)

The last of a three-part series, here are five more clues that you should look out for before entering a friendship or relationship with a non-believer.

The Sixth Clue – He isn’t loyal and has a wandering eye

This means he has no self-control and is not willing to commit. He is someone who has no integrity or faithfulness. What you want and desire is to have someone who has spiritual integrity and self-control. A godly guy will have a heart that breaks for whatever breaks Gods heart. He will not want to intentionally hurt you in any way and holds your relationship to the Lord with love and respect.

“God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

(1 Samuel 16:7 NIV)

The Seventh Clue – He wants you to dress a certain way for selfish reasons

His motives here are conditional. This guy is very shallow and lives life concerned only about him. Unfortunately a misconception of many gals is that if you dress a certain way and keep your body a certain way, this will keep the guy. News flash: this might keep his attention for a season but men in the world have the “what’s greener on the other side” mentality. They get what they want from a girl and then move on to the next one if the girl doesn’t maintain that “it factor” for them.

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward- arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”

(1 Peter 3:3-4 NKJV)

The Eighth Clue – Bad conduct

If his conduct is or can be perpetually rebellious, prideful, abusive, controlling, arrogant, jealous, or bad tempered, this too is also selfish and is a red flag to stay away from this self-centered type of guy! You want someone who exhibits the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22) and you want someone who denies himself and wants to do what God wants.

“But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

(Galatians 5:22 NIV)
The Ninth Clue – Addiction

These include alcohol, gambling, drugs, pornography, etc. that he’s involved in. Anyone who has an addiction they are in bondage to and is not willing to get out of their addiction is not someone you want to be with. You want someone who has a clean record through and through. Ultimately, you want someone who has a desire to please God and live a life of purity before Him
“For you are a slave to whatever controls you”
(2 Peter 2:19 LVG)
Tenth Clue – Socializing only with his non-believing friends

Beware of this guy, his friends, and his leisure activities (i.e. clubs, concerts, R-rated movies, parties, bars, raves) that will eventually rub off on you. He will also most likely prefer hanging out with his non-believing friends and won’t enjoy being with your Christian friends who he considers “boring.” Note to self: I am not saying to avoid all interaction with non-believers, but it is not a good idea to have fellowship with non-believers on a close regular basis as it will negatively affect your faith and behavior. A lot of us might work in a non-Christian environment and that’s an opportunity to be a light, but I am not referring to that – I’m speaking about socializing regularly with non-believers.

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world – the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life – is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.”

(1 John 2:15 – 17 NKJV)

In closing, I have to say that all Christians are NOT exempt from any of these things that were mentioned. Christians are in no way perfect and sin just like anyone else. But we have Jesus who is our hope and is there to help us through to help us through times of temptation or compromise. Hold out for the guy that will draw you closer to Jesus, be a spiritual leader and help you grow in Him, and also be dedicated to seeking His will and character. Hold out for honor.