(Photo by Selma Komisky)
Let’s Talk Boundaries
Why It’s the Most Vital Conversation to Have in Your Relationship
By Melissa Valle
I sat on my best friend’s couch and heard all my friends talk about their relationships. Laura said that her and her boyfriend agreed to wait until marriage. Sarah shared how her and her boyfriend didn’t tell each other “I love you” until a year into the relationship, when they knew their feelings for each other were true and meaningful. Madison and her boyfriend spend their time together during the weekends, as the weekdays for both of them are for family and friends.
It’s not just any conversation to have. It’s one of the most vital conversations to have in your relationship. And it is one to have at the very beginning.
For example, let’s say after your month-aversary, your boyfriend drops you off at your house but before you leave the car, he leans in for a kiss. But wait, you never told him that you were actually waiting to give your first kiss to your husband on your wedding day. What do you do?
What if before he drove away he shouted the words, “I love you” out the car and you just don’t feel ready to say those words.
Having this conversation about boundaries at the very beginning of your relationship is so important to prevent situations like these. You can both realize in what way you want to honor your partner the best, according to God’s word. Boundaries are not just about crossing lines, but tiptoeing by them. The question that pops up all the time is, “How far is too far?” This is the wrong question to ask. It’s not about how far can I go until it isn’t okay but how can I respect my sister/brother in the best way I can; it’s almost as if you are teasing the Lord. My rule of thumb is, if you are questioning it, it may not be a good zone to be in.
Now, I’m not a saint. My boyfriend and I did not just have one set-and-stone conversation about our boundaries, but multiple. And I know what it’s like to be in that moment, it is hard to own up to what you believe in. It’s not easy, but it’s simple to make it stop. To take control and stop that spiritual battle going on in you. If you have to adjust your boundaries, they may not be your boundaries after all. So please, do not take this lightly.
Now, what if you went too far and you just don’t know what to do but keep it going in order to save the relationship. No. You don’t have to. Talk about it. Maybe he feels the same way and has no idea how to express it. Communication is key. Once you talk about it, you can choose every day to move forward and past that. If he threatens to break you guys apart after sharing your feelings, then ladies he is not a man worthy.