(Photo by Selma Komisky)
Dealing With Broken Choices
By Bella Martinez
I was a camp counselor, along with my friends, at a Christian summer camp for kids. I’d just graduated high school, I was walking closely with the Lord and I was happy at this point in my life. I wasn’t looking to fill any voids, because I didn’t have any.
It was at this summer camp that my friendship grew with Steve. He was a Christian and his love for the Lord was clear. He was the type of guy who, in his words, wanted “to get married young, have kids and be a missionary.”
One night, as I laid down after a long day of watching Steve be a leader to the kids, talking with him between breaks in the day and having my team of campers beat his campers in a dance competition, it hit me. I was falling for Steve.
A few months later, Steve admitted he had feelings for me which I of course reciprocated, and soon after we were dating. I wish I could say that, as two Christians who loved the Lord, Steve and I had the kind of dating relationship God had planned for us- for all Christians. Unfortunately that’s not true, and after a couple of months of dating, Steve and I began having sex frequently.
It wasn’t long before Steve and I began to unravel. He was falling away from the teachings of the Bible and more towards emotional Christianity; this is the act of depending on one’s emotions to make spiritual decisions. It was out of emotionalism that he reasoned having sex with me was justified, because it felt right and we would get married. Outwardly, I agreed with him because I didn’t want to stop having sex, but everything inside of me revolted.
As time passed, I developed anxiety, depression, and fear, to the point where I was afraid of the dark and longed for the day. I began to doubt Steve’s love for me, I feared that we were not meant to be, and that I had given myself away to the wrong person. We constantly argued and our relationship was in shambles.
It is utterly clear to me now why premarital sex is a sin, and why God had designed marriage to be between husband and wife. The enemy had effectively used sex to rob Steve and I of the blessed life that God had planned for us.
After years of disobeying the Lord and having others intercede in prayer for Steve and I, we stopped fighting Him. Steve and I will have been married for two years this March, and we have the most incredible gift in our one-year-old twin boys.
The enemy will give you every opportunity to make a bad decision in a relationship, whether married or unmarried, but the Lord promises that He will always offer a way out and that no temptation will be beyond what we can bear (1 Cor. 10:13).
While the world seeks to minimize the guilt of making a broken choice in relationships, God desires to remind us that He has already covered all of our sins. This means we don’t need to work to make things better, or to try to make things up to God or throw our bad choices under the rug. We need to turn to God and repent of those bad choices and live in His forgiveness and grace.
When I felt stuck in sin, I knew how to get out of it, but for too long I decided to be comfortably uncomfortable. If this sounds anything like the situation you’re in, I pray that you go to the Lord, repent and accept His loving forgiveness. Then I ask that you go and talk to someone you trust at church. After repenting of my sins to the Lord, I was too proud to admit what I’d done to another person and for that reason I ended up falling right back into sin. It wasn’t until Steve and I spoke with our pastor that we received the help and accountability that we needed.
Finally, I leave you with this verse from Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”