(Photo by Selma Komisky)

How To: Discover Your Love Language

By Melissa Valle

I can distinctly remember the texts he sent me. The Bible verses. The “I love you”. The “You are so…” They meant so much to me. Waking up from a heavy or hard night and seeing them first thing in the morning would brighten my day. Reading little notes, after going through my drawers for a delayed spring cleaning, I would come across the notes and cards my best friends gave me. The little Valentines Day cards and birthday cards. They never failed to make me smile. Words of affirmation bring me so much joy. Though I would agree that when someone takes the time to handwrite something for me, I tend to appreciate it more. Or having someone just stop what they are doing and tell me, “Hey, I appreciate you,” makes my world.

For my mother, however, it wasn’t the Valentine cards she greatly appreciated. It was when I did the dishes for her after a long day of work. For my father, it wasn’t me writing yet another birthday card. It was when I gave him his favorite chocolate bar. For my brother, it wasn’t those text messages saying how much I loved him on Valentine’s Day. It was when I took him out to the movies and shared a smoothie. For my best friend, after not seeing her for a long time, it was the first hug after months she most looked forward to.

What I am sharing is that I think it is important to remember that everyone has a different love language. You can find out what your love languages are right here. For example, I feel loved when…

1. I am told something meaningful.
2. Someone does something for me.
3. I receive gifts.
4. I spend time with someone I care about.
5. I am given a hug.

Ask your friends and family to take this quiz. I have found by many people that by taking this quiz to see what their love languages are they learn to better tend and care for an individual with intention. This happens by being aware of what makes them content. It is a tool we can use to love and love well.

So the next time you are debating what to get or do for your beloved ones for Valentines Day, or when you just want to make someone’s day, try to think back to all the times they talked about when something just made them incredibly happy. If their love language is “receiving gifts”, get them something small that reminds you of them. If it is words of affirmation, share with them Bible verses of God’s love and care for us, or words of your own. If it’s quality time, have a picnic with them. All of these things are ways to show your affection towards someone. It doesn’t have to be the standard chocolate hearts and the giant teddy bear or a poem written about them.