(Photo by Selma Komisky)

Our Note to Guys: Issues in the Church

By Sarah and Selma Komisky

QUESTION: What are the Issues Guys Are Struggling with in the Church and How Would You Encourage Them With That Issue?

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.”

– Micah 6:8 (ESV)

This is our prayer for you.

SURVEY ANSWERS:

“One issue I’ve noticed that some guys tend to struggle with is talking about their struggles. I think as a guy it can sometimes be a pride thing. You want to appear like you have everything under control while deep down you know you don’t. I would encourage a guy struggling with opening up about any personal issue to humble themselves and seek guidance from someone in the church they can trust and will give them Godly advice, wisdom, resources, etc. I feel a big ploy of the enemy is to keep us from talking about our issues because he knows it keeps us bound, but I’ve found in my life when I let people I trust in on what’s going on in my life, I am able to see things more clearly and am able to receive prayer and guidance where I wouldn’t have had I just tried to do things on my own.”

“I see some guys having trouble making friends with other guys, connecting, and being vulnerable with their brothers in Christ. I’d want guys to know that they shouldn’t be discouraged if connections don’t happen overnight, and to keep making themselves available for new friendships at church with men their own age and men older and wiser. For the established men in the church, I’d encourage them to be welcoming of new comers, break up their clicks, and to take the time to connect with all their fellow guys at church. It might be uncomfortable to put yourself out there, but it shows true leadership, compassion, Christ’s confidence and strength when they do that.”

“I think guys struggle with lust. If a female that has some curves walks by, the battle is on. Most of the time, side looks are given. Or other times it could be that they become nicer to talk to or they want to talk more. It could even be conversations with them on the phone, text, or email. The struggle is real. I would encourage them by ensuring my clothing is not inappropriate and I’m sensitive to the Holy Spirit. As a woman, many times checking our hearts and making sure we are respecting ourselves first is important. We have to know our worth. Setting boundaries with guys is essential. For example, not being alone with a male in an isolated place, or after a certain time at night, or careful in conversations with them is critical. Allowing them to succeed as a man of God is essential to building the Kingdom strong. A key that may help is (if another person were to enter into the conversation) whether it be a face to face conversation or even reading a message, I  can ensure that my conversations are healthy and not in any way triggering”

“Showing emotion and confessing to struggles with mental illness. I encourage them to find someone they can confide in; a person who will just listen.”

“Pornography is a huge struggle for guys in the church. I encourage them to know they are not alone and to reach out to other believers and mentors they trust in times of need.”

“I see guys struggling with getting out of their comfort zone to further their relationship with God. A lot of the time they have a routine every Sunday while at church and they don’t stray away from that, which can hinder their relationship with God. We’ve all been in the same situation before where we haven’t put enough effort into our relationship with God. But by stepping out of their comfort zone they can easily see that the reward is worth the risk.”

“Struggle stepping up to become the leaders God called them to be. They already have it in them, ask God for courage, wisdom and guidance.”

“Not reading the Bible with their children or wives.”

“I see guys struggling with identity in the Church – feeling like they aren’t enough. Remember the Mighty God who created you! With Him, you are enough. With Him, you are complete. With Him, you can do anything!”

“I see guys struggling with feeling like they are not enough for women, that because they struggle they are inadequate and not worthy to pursue women. But I would encourage guys to do it anyways. Women see ‘worth it’ guys who are willing to make their intentions known and be brave, rather then guys who sit back and let women pursue them or refuse to define the relationship.”

“Well….I believe the number one issue young men are facing is the overwhelming amount of pornography that surrounds them. It is the hidden problem that many people struggle with…. in the church too. Even pastors. The advice I’d give is for them to arm themselves with the power that only God can give them.  However many times a day it takes.  Admit they cannot fight this battle alone, of their own power, or by force of their own will.  Surrender completely to the power of the Holy Spirit, admitting just how much they need His help.  Surrender their wills completely to God.  Daily.  Hourly.  Continually.  Every minute.  They also need to know that they are not alone in this battle.  They are loved completely and always by the One, Jesus Christ, who was also tempted by Satan in the same way.  He understands their struggle and loves them anyway!”