(Photo by Selma Komisky)
Our Note to Guys: Dear Younger Me
By Sarah and Selma Komisky
QUESTION: What is something you learned when you were younger that you would like to share with guys today?
“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.”
– Micah 6:8 (ESV)
This is our prayer for you.
“That girls really appreciate it when a boy treats his parents well.”
“All girls like hot Cheetos!!! Don’t try to impress your friends and don’t forget your friends. Don’t have a superficial mentality. Stay humble, be honest, be a gentleman, be yourself and take your time! Relationships don’t define you. Don’t feel peer pressured. Find a mentor – youth leader to lead you in the right direction. And don’t get a tattoo of your chick’s name!!!”
“Everyone is different and unique in their own way, embrace other people’s interests the same way you would want people to embrace yours.”
“Growing up not knowing Christ, I viewed women as weak and ditzy. I didn’t want to identify with women. Men took advantage of them and I wasn’t going to let that happen. Men were the strong ones and I was going to be a woman who was the exception and one step ahead of a man. A man called the shots, I thought, with some sweet talking her for his advantage. I was so wrong in my view of both males and females. It wasn’t till I came to Christ and met a guy who really emulated the love of Jesus. Up to then, I never knew a godly man. Although we were just friends, his actions really showed me the example of the Lord. A servant, kind, loving humble, caring, considerate. I was laid off at the time and he would pay for my meal or ask if I needed anything. In reality such an opposite view of what the world says what a man should be. Be that guy!
“That your mom is going to teach you how to be treated by a woman and your dad is going to teach you how to treat a woman. That your parents play a significant role in all future relationships, as does how you feel about yourself. And…money doesn’t buy love.”
“When I was young, I learned that if boys hit you or teased you, it meant they liked you. I learned that being mean or aggressive was some secret code for admiration or interest. As I got older, being taught that such behaviors are how boys communicate, it became ok to be treated with less respect, because at least they liked me. They could be controlling or heavy with their words, as long as they wanted me. Now that I’m an adult, I know that men do not have to behave that way. Real men will treat women with kindness and respect and don’t need to punch you in the arm or pull your hair to show they care. Being able to distinguish the difference as a man is a vital part of maturity and building and maintaining a healthy relationship with a woman.”
“It is never to early to act like a gentleman. Guys today can be harsh. They don’t always realize how their words can sting. Start practicing those gentlemen-like skills now.”
“Girls don’t necessarily care about how tough or muscular you are. They want to date someone who’s fun and appreciates them as a person.”
“Don’t waste time … pursue Jesus …with everything you’re got! You will NEVER regret it!”
“I learned to not let Hollywood or TV or society in general define how relationships ‘work.’ Whoever said guys and girls can’t just be friends didn’t read about Jesus, Martha, and Mary. Whoever came up with ideas about what’s “supposed” to happen on prom night or the expected progression of intimacy in a dating relationship has never experienced the amazing feeling of an untainted and healthy romance. If you need to put out to keep a girl/guy interested, they are not coming from a healthy viewpoint and you don’t ‘need’ to compromise yourself.”
“Watch how you treat your girl friends. We can fall easily. Don’t tell them your girl problems. Don’t lean on them emotionally when you’re not committed in that way. Be aware of their potential feelings for you and how you treat them that might get them to think the wrong thing. Plus, emotional bonding happens quickly. If a friend tells you she likes you and you don’t feel the same, please be honest, but also gentle with her heart.”
“I’ve had a guy friend who still wanted to hang out with me all the time when he was in a relationship. I told him that wasn’t a good idea and he pretty much couldn’t understand why I told him we couldn’t hang out anymore one on one. He said, ‘His girlfriend would trust him.’ Guys, when you get into a relationship, guy/girl friend dynamics change. It can’t be the same. It doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, but it does mean the friendship looks different. You’ll be hanging more in groups or getting to know their girlfriends better. Sometimes guys don’t get this, but know it’s a good thing.”