I Know Who I Am

(Photo by Selma Komisky)

I Know Who I Am

By By Jacqueline Napoli

I had zero clue I would be told that in four months, I’m not welcomed back and banned with no reason given. I was driving to work that very morning, literally thanking God out loud for all the reasons I LOVED my job, rejoicing in the idea of continuing on in it year after year. Ahead of me, however, was a blow that felt unrecoverable. 

I’d already recovered from my beloved husband’s complete betrayal. I went back to school, started a career, remarried a prince, and was thriving. Now? Failure and total rejection at my new job. My good reviews, great relationships, and reasonable success amounted to nothing, and the lady who let me go seemed to really take pleasure in the process.

So, I reverted to what God has told me as I had been battling the enemy of my soul who said,  “Ugh, what a failure! Nothing you touch survives!  Everything you do turns to ashes.” 

I love the song, “Remind Me Who I Am.” It coursed through my mind, a prayer for God to just resuscitate my identity. I went to the Lord as I have so often, praying, “Oh God, please tell me who I am. Please tell me I’m not the full-on loser this lady is trying to make me out to be.”

He answers! 

It was the next day, and I tried to survive the devastation. Two colleagues I barely knew, completely at random, discussed my “lion’s mane” of hair, and I thought nothing of it. 

I had just gone home and cried all night.

But, at 5 a.m., the Holy Spirit just lights up on me and says, “You are a LION. Look it up.”  So I look up lion symbolism: fierce, courageous, protector, strong mother, fearless communicator, majestic.” 

In that instant, He brought to mind a previous answer to “Who am I, LORD?” from a promise book given to me at my actual work: “What was your mother? A lioness! Among lions she crouched; in the midst of young lions she reared her cubs.” (it means to me I’m doing my life’s work worthily.)  Two weeks prior, a friend said, “Your hair! The LORD gave you that mane because you are a lion!  You are a warrior, and you raise warriors!” Another sister volunteered that my girls “have lions’ manes like their mama.”

Now, apart from this, no one has EVER spoken like this to me!!! But it was the LORD, preparing me and promoting me.

Joseph crowned after a life of pain said to his brothers, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good, for the saving of many.” Through all the loss, mockery, abuse, catastrophe, rejection, injustice, and suffering, Joseph kept his eyes on the true King, and “until the time that it came to pass, the word of the Lord tested Joseph.”  His childhood promise of greatness was a lifelong trial and fire.  But He “let perseverance have its perfect work” and he became “mature and complete, lacking nothing.” 

He was promoted to world ruler. He forgave and loved his awful, murderous brothers because He held on to the LORD, His word, and His ways. His identity became complete and fulfilled the dream God gave him decades before, and the lowly, compassionate nature of the LORD was fully worked into him.

I stepped onto campus that morning literally a lioness. Like a heavyweight champion–no shame and no sorrow. When my boss smirked at me, I just stood strong and continued praying for her. A couple weeks later, I even experienced a flooding, supernatural love for her. 

What she meant for evil, God meant for good.

I know who I am. No one can steal it!  And it’s sooooo good.