YOLO is a NOGO in Relationships

(Photo by Selma Komisky)


YOLO is a NOGO in Relationships

By Tori Martin

“Er…It’s called self-control,” was my arrogant and extremely naive response to a video I was watching about a young dating Christian couple struggling to keep sexual purity in their relationship. I continued in my pride, “It’s easy, if you love God… you obey Him!” 

Oh, how trouble-free for me to say this in my single season with my proud, “I’m dating Jesus status.”  I was soon proved wrong when a special someone walked into my life and after a few months of dating it felt like my flesh was boastfully giving me the middle finger and saying, “Haha, easy she said?!” The struggle of keeping our purity was very real.

When we love someone and it’s clear that our intentions are to eventually marry, your flesh suddenly starts to whisper in your ear little nuggets of temptation such as, “go on… you only live once, you love each other, your intentions are to get married, what’s the harm?

It’s amazing how we can tune out the Holy Spirit when we want to. As fast as temptation was knocking at our door, was as fast as we needed to take action against it. 

I stand corrected. My bad. Protecting your sexual purity is straight-up testing and trying. Protecting our purity takes boundaries being set in place, accountability partners, prayer, communication, and a firm foundation in Christ. It’s not easy but it’s not impossible. 

Boundaries. Set your boundaries from the moment you become a thing. If you set these boundaries from the start it will certainly help. For example, if you find being alone together late at night is too tempting, set up a home time curfew. If you are unsure how far is too far when it comes to getting physical, ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. For some couples, kissing is a huge no-no because it stirs up feelings that will tempt them to go further. Foreplay? No, go! Foreplay is designed to lead to sex and therefore anything other than kissing is asking for trouble.

Accountability. You both need an accountability partner. This person ideally should be someone who is spiritually more mature in their Christian walk than you. Someone who has your best interests at heart. Someone who you can be completely vulnerable with and confess to if you’ve messed up or need prayer, support, guidance, and encouragement. Someone who will not judge but will make you accountable.

Prayer. You are not strong enough to win this battle, you may think you are, but you are not. We are born with a sinful nature, so it feels so much more natural to obey our flesh.  We need the Holy Spirit to do His thing. He will help us; we just need to ask. Pray and be honest. Remember God knows everything, even our thoughts. Pray alone and definitely pray together as a couple.

Communication. Transparency with God, each other, and your accountability partner is key. When you’re struggling, say it. When you feel one of you is pushing you further to sin, say it. If you notice certain conversations, photos, and entertainment is tempting you to give in to your sexual desires, say it. Then, once you’ve communicated, act on it. If things are heating up, don’t see each other that day, don’t take that sexy selfie, choose to delete it, turn the movie off which has a hot sex scene playing and turn the sexy R&B jams off! When we communicate what turns us on, we can then set new boundaries. You will find that as time goes by and you grow closer together, communication and boundaries work together.

Foundation in Christ. When we have a deep solid rooted relationship in Christ something incredible happens. His love transforms us. Sin won’t remain comfortable. Instead of getting closer to each other physically, get closer to Jesus.

The struggle is real, the world and our bodies say, “YOLO” but our God says, “NOGO.” Why? Not because He is trying to restrict our fun! Remember, God created sex! Sex is good and it was created to be enjoyed in covenant marriage relationship. I bet sinful sex has nothin’ on Kingdom covenant sex! Hold on, the wait will be so worth it! And if you mess up, don’t freak out. Take it to God, repent, ask Him to help you, and put new boundaries in place. Our God is a loving, patient, merciful, and forgiving God. He does not condemn, but He does convict because He loves you. Sexual purity is to protect us, not to deprive us.