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Don’t Be a Lone Ranger Dater
By Selma Komisky
“A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool’s eyes wander to the ends of the earth.”
– Proverbs 17: 24 (NIV)
So many women walk in the absence of wisdom and discernment when it comes to dating. They get involved in a relationship, fall in love (at least that’s what they think it is) and they become distracted and blinded. All of a sudden they decide their relationship has reached a new plateau and should be exclusive. Slowly they stop to having contact with family members, friends, etc. and suddenly you are a lone ranger dater.
It’s concerning when you hear women young and old say, “Oh we’ve decided if we have any free time in our busy schedules to choose to spend it with ________ and people in my life have to just understand. Sorry it’s just about me and him now.” They devote their every waking hour to this one significant other. But God doesn’t want you to be a “lone ranger.” It’s unhealthy to isolate yourself from everyone. You open yourself to the enemy’s temptations and snares. You might think, “What harm may that bring? I trust my boyfriend.” Let’s reconsider this again.
Ladies, you need to be a discerning dater so you won’t have devastating consequences to regret. On the contrary, it’s very healthy to continue to have relationships and to spend time with other people. Your boyfriend should have friends as well and be involved in other extracurricular activities. It’s much better for you both overall because then you can still enjoy relationships outside of one another instead of just relying on each other.
Good friends can help you guard against this and give some accountability (a safeguard in a relationship). Instead of ditching group events, welcome going out with groups of friends. Have dinner with family. This gives a chance for you to share your boyfriend with the people you love and allow everyone to get to know him.
I remember listening to Bible teacher Ravi Zacharias on the radio. It caught my attention because he was talking about dating. He started giving some good advice something to the effect of having a circle consisting of reliable family members and friends you can trust around you. These are people that can give you counsel and advice. This is a healthy way to hear feedback about you and your new beau. Take note if more than three people say something that they see that’s not right about your guy. You can have a good perspective when you take in what your loved ones are saying and address the issues you are facing and possibly get out of the relationship if need be. The Bible says in Proverbs 27:6, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted.” This means correction given in love by a friend is better than someone not saying anything and being insincere. Whereas if you’re a “Lone Ranger” you are on your own and can’t see pitfalls that possibly others might see that are around both of you.
As women we think a lot with our hearts and quickly desire to be romanced and loved but we spiritually need to be wise and be a spiritual detective. We need to inspect our potential boyfriend’s spiritual fruit (i.e. does he have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Is he plugged into a sound doctrine church? Does he read his bible daily and pray? Does he have good born-again believing friends? Is he involved in a ministry?)
I think it’s a good rule of thumb to not allow yourself to be isolated. Spiritual drifting and deception are really easy to do in this place when you have no other insight into your relationship. At this place, things can get unhealthy really quick. So remember that God created us to be connected and be relational, not to be alone. Choosing to opt out of the “lone ranger” mentality will be a wise move every time.