(Photo by Maylin Rowe)
Staying Out of the Shallow End
By Sarah Komisky
A month after I turned sixteen I was messaged by none other than my sophomore crush. There had been several months of wooing and pursuit that finally culminated in three small words that flashed across my computer screen: “Let’s hang out.” Cue the confetti and tell the birds to start singing — was this actually happening? But wait… I needed to know, was he a Christian? Soon after I got the answer I wanted, my heart was all-in as I dove into the deep end of an emotional pool. It was only a week or so out of school and I was going on my first date with my dream guy! In my mind, summer romance was blooming; or so I thought.
Date number one: I waited for the call. He was soon on his way with his shiny new car. When I saw him pull into my driveway I thought, “He’s here! Cue those birds again.” Knock knock. There he was: my six foot, brown hair, brown-eyed crush. He was my very own Mr. Wonderful ready to take me out. Yet looking back, our date was way less than wonderful. First off, we had a picnic across the street on a little grassy area next to some stores, not my idea of an ideal location to spend with my crush. Then, I got so nervous I froze in my conversation and had to try really hard to keep down the little I could eat. When we got to the movie theatre he was short on cash, so I paid for us to see the not so wonderful movie that he insisted on seeing. My date ended early but I glossed over the flaws. After all, I was with Mr. Wonderful. At the same time, I was treading water in the shallow end of a messy relationship.
While I was dreaming of summer romance, our relationship quickly turned into a summer fling. Although not sexual, it certainly fit the mold outlined by my crush: a drama free, non-committal, fun and non-exclusive relationship that only lasts for a season. After date number one, I spent the majority of my time and emotional energy anticipating and waiting for the next online message. Mr. Wonderful freely went on his way and got in touch whenever he wanted — i.e. every now and then between football practice and hanging out with his friends. I also spent too much time worrying over our relationship: how it was defined, how I should or should not act, and what he thought of me. Then, when we did talk, he quickly showed up for flirty, shallow conversations that were of no eternal value. Yet, I tried to eagerly keep our failing relationship afloat in the shallow end.
It is safe to say that Mr. Wonderful left me brokenhearted more often than not: especially when he stopped his intense pursuit and began to lose interest in me after date number one. When he discovered more of my beliefs, my introverted nature, and my unwillingness to compromise myself physically, he backed away. While Mr. Wonderful knew I wasn’t like other girls, he remained close enough to be intrigued but far enough away to avoid commitment.
As much as I believed this guy to be wonderful, I was totally deceived. Not only was he not a Christian, but he treated me less than how God intended. Not only did I waste my summer over a fling, but I got my heart broken when I found out Mr. Wonderful was also having a fling with my BFF — ouch. That was when my summer fling finally sunk in the shallow end. Unfortunately, I am not alone. According to statistics, summertime is prime time for girls to get involved in summer flings. Both summer romances and summer flings fall short of what they promise to be, according to the world’s standards. Girls are left emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually damaged before school comes again.
Let me tell you firsthand: flings aren’t fun. One of the main reasons for this is that they aren’t defined. They aren’t lasting and they certainly aren’t meaningful. Overall, summer flings guarantee heartbreak. God never intended for this to be the case! He intended for you to have a meaningful relationship with a guy that will not only love you but will love God supremely! Don’t let yourself be disappointed or ripped off during an incredible season.
So, let me be your lifeguard and warn you about the shallow end. One: if you dive in, you’ll get hurt. Two: if you stay there, you won’t progress. So let me lovingly say, don’t even waste your time getting your feet wet in a shallow relationship. And if you’re already in, there is still time to get out. Instead, choose to spend your time wisely and give back this summer. Also, don’t wait or depend on a guy to romance you, let God romance your heart and find in Him the love you’ve always wanted — one that is truly deep, and never shallow.