(Photo by Selma Komisky)
How to Know a Person is Safe to Share With
By Andrea Yim
I love to talk. I’ll talk to anyone and share everything that’s on my heart or mind. I guess I just kind of believe the very best in people and believe they want the very best for me because that’s how I think. Unfortunately it’s not so with everyone, and I’ve had to learn the very hard way the infamous saying, “think before you speak.” And it is a continuous daily learning.
For some of you it comes naturally because maybe you’re a skeptic of people’s motivations and hearts. I believe sharing too much and not sharing at all could both be harmful. Let me explain.
God has placed certain people in our lives for a reason. We are human and sharing is part of our nature. Sometimes we need to share our dreams, our discouragements and our struggles. The Bible is very clear about sharing our sins to one another so that there can be accountability, like in James 5:16.
Now here lies the question, “how do we know who to share with and who not to share with?” This takes a lot of discernment and wisdom. I believe being still and quiet are the most important learned qualities you can develop first and foremost before sharing what’s on your mind.
Psalm 141:3 says, “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” First think about what it is that you are about to share. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Maybe it’s just your thoughts you need to get off your chest, to say them out loud to someone.
Second, and let me say this loud and clear, choose very very carefully whom you will share your heart or thoughts with. Well how do you choose to share things with. You may have a best friend and or even a sister/brother that you have shared your whole life with. They may already know everything about you and you guys have shared everything with one another. So how do you know if they are safe to share with?
Well, from my own personal experience I have found that even among a few of the closest friends or family there are those who quietly pray for me, continue to love me, and keep a close relationship with because truly want the very best for me without sharing with anyone else. Then there are those that read into what is being said, always question what it is you are saying, that are uncommpassionate and share with others what you have confided in them. They say they love you, yet almost seem happy when something wrong is going on in your life because it makes them seem better than you. They say they love you, yet never follow up in your life because they frankly don’t care.
Created in all of us is discernment. Deep down inside us all we have this “feeling.” We know deep down inside who is safe and who isn’t safe. Who truly cares and those who twist and turn words that are not even your intentions. People, be wise in choosing who you become close with, but also think about what you have to say. Think about why you’re even sharing what you’re sharing and if it’s going to benefit anyone. God has the biggest ears, biggest heart and biggest answers for your little mouth and heart to run to. Run to Him first, then seek wise council (Psalm 1), someone or people you know will point you back to God’s word and follow up with you in your life whether it be struggles or just need advice. Most of the things we have to share anyways can be worked out on our own, but for those times we need to talk, think before and use wisdom. That still small voice inside you will let you know.