(Photo by Selma Komisky)

Our Note to Guys: Growing Out of Bad Habits

By Sarah and Selma Komisky

QUESTION: What is a Bad Habit You’ve Noticed in Guys and What Advice For Growth Would You Give Them?

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.”

– Micah 6:8 (ESV)

This is our prayer for you.

SURVEY ANSWERS:

“I’ve noticed that most guys keep secrets from their girlfriends and I would encourage them to tell them everything and if they hide it they should know by then that they shouldn’t be in a relationship if they are hiding secrets”

“I really don’t like when a guy feels the need to put other people down to make himself feel better. He should work on his self confidence.”

“I’ve always been frustrated by guys’ tendencies to think being nice to girls just means complimenting their physical appearances. Yes, telling a girl she looks nice can be a wonderful thing, but often times this just leads to preteen girls being led along thinking the boys who compliment them in this way have a crush on them. I would encourage guys to try to compliment girls for reasons unconnected with physical appearance, or even search for ways to be kind that go beyond compliments. Even something as simple as holding a door open for a friend can go such a long way in making someone feel special.”

“The bad habit of not admitting when he doesn’t know something. It takes courage to admit when you are wrong. I am much more attracted to a vulnerable heart than a prideful one. I would encourage him by letting him know that I don’t expect perfection and by showing unconditional love.”

“One bad habit I’ve noticed in some men is playing it safe – staying home and watching sports or playing computer games or just doing the same things as always. If you’re that guy, I would encourage you to get out there! You are part of the body of Christ, which means you have gifts to share and things to do with other people. Don’t be afraid! Don’t stay in your comfort zone! What is something you’ve been wanting to do? Something new, fun, or rewarding? Even if it means being uncomfortable, I encourage you to go for it! God will meet you there in that place of boldness and adventure! With Him, there is no guarantee of success, but there is assurance of His love and peace and guidance! So take a risk and participate in your life!!”

“When guys disrespect women with things that they say without even realizing it. I would want a guy to grow in recognizing that women take words literally.”

“A bad habit is not keeping your word. You may think it’s not a big deal, but it is. It hurts people and disappoints. It takes advantage of people. It’s selfish. Be a man of your word. Even if you mean to, but things always come up, prioritize to keep what ever you said would be the main thing.  Good character and integrity are qualities not only a godly guy should want to display, but qualities I think a Christian girl looks for. When you don’t keep your word, it deceives, lies, and makes you untrustworthy. If this is your bad habit get someone you can trust to be your accountability partner. Mean and do what you say. No excuses. Otherwise not even your sorry will be believable.” 

“To answer the question: a bad guy habit that I’ve observed and would address is flirtatiousness. A big problem is that guys, whether conscious or subconscious, often give girls the wrong impression. Many guys are unaware how the simplest, unintentional behaviors can end up hurting the opposite sex. Men may not think that they possess the ability to make us feel this way—but they can easily take us on an emotional rollercoaster. In short, my suggestion for growth would be to be very careful about what you say and the impression you may be giving when talking to a girl. Maybe consider including another person in the conversation to make it platonic. Overall using wisdom and discernment is the best advice I can give.”

“When I’ve received a compliment, it has usually been centered on my looks: my hair, my eyes, my clothes, my smile, etc. Guys are physical and comment on what they see – it’s just the way God wired them. And while it is nice to receive a compliment and be told that you look nice or “pretty,” it would be even more live-giving to hear something about my inward qualities. I want to be more than just a pretty face and know that I am appreciated beyond my appearance. Outward beauty is fading but inner beauty is timeless. So, I would say, study something about my character and tell me about it. It will encourage me to become the woman God wants me to be and allow me to feel that my outward beauty is not the most important thing.”

“One bad habit that I observed in a guy was unpunctuality. When a guy shows up late to an appointment, it gives me the feeling of not being very important to that person. A way to encourage him towards growth in that particular area would be to openly communicate my feelings to him and share how sad, disappointed, and unimportant it makes me feel when I have to wait for my date.”