Our Note to Guys: Oxymorons

(Photo by Selma Komisky)

Our Note to Guys: Oxymorons

By Sarah and Selma Komisky

QUESTION: What is one spiritual oxymoron blind spot you would like to share with our guy readers to help encourage them in their spiritual growth?

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.”

– Micah 6:8 (ESV)

This is our prayer for you.


Maybe that guys are pressured to be a certain way and feel like it’s an oxymoron to be what others consider “feminine” in any way. In that case they should seek to find identity in God and not what others say. This gives them freedom to not try to be the man society says they should be.

The first thing that comes to mind is the “Independent Christian.” I feel like I’ve seen many men over the years try to walk in faith alone or not seek a community of men or a mentor. We need more men willing to walk in community, be vulnerable with each other, and grow in their faith and love of Jesus. Start a conversation with other men, meet at your home, a coffee house, the bowling alley, the ski hill, wherever. Be in community and grow in relationship. The other would be the Complacent Christian. I’m sure this happens with women, too, but I’ve seen it more often in men’s circles and groups where the men aren’t committed to a study, meeting with a group, or reading the Bible for a set number of weeks. They start off strong and then waver to finish. We need more men challenging each other and being accountable in their growth. I think that goes back to being in community… being countercultural.

I think it’s hard to balance being both a strong and sensitive leader. Even for girls, it’s hard to have/show emotions but not be dominated by them. I think staying in God’s word can really help; seeing and studying examples of Christ-honoring leaders.

That they have to be emotionally strong to be a man. Having integrity and strong character is what makes you a real man–not how sensitive or insensitive you are, or how much you cry or don’t cry.

Servant leadership.

Pride and humility. It is so easy for guys to get caught up in ego whether it is their looks, abilities, or even spiritual maturity. Guys are natural competitors.  So even when they want to do what is right (humility), they can end up falling in pride. I would say, ask God to be your anchor in this area to check you when they struggle. Then, you can veer towards spiritual growth instead of spiritual stuntedness.